Some small progress...

So, today I met with some of our HR people and it turns out that taking a buyout package is not without its costs. Yeah, sure, it might look like these so-called fat-cat public servants seem to have nice buy out packages, but then, one has to look at loss of benefits (medical, dental, death benefit, etc) not to mention "going back to zero" when it comes to building up vacation time, medical leave, etc., which all disappears when you go to a different employer. (Do I really want to go back to a two-week vacation per year? Ugh...) More stuff to think about before I decide that the umbilical cord should be cut...

I also had a chat with a consultant who worked with me during our teambuilding exercise. I asked about the possibility of doing some personality tests (values, interests) to see how much change the last time I had some done 15 years ago. We've lined up a meeting for next week to discuss some options.

In a funny parallel, my eldest son is going through a career-orientation exercise though his school. He interviewed me on workplace questions, and it made me realize the great deal of diversity of jobs I had held. I realized that I was a "jack-of-all-trades", I was master of none... and that I figure my workplace has outgrown me, and may be selecting for staff who have much more specialized training in certain areas than my résumé can provide. So now I'm tring to revamp my CV so that it better summarizes the variety of things I have done, and I'll research what young/small organization might benefit from my talents.

Easter and new beginnings...

Easter is a time of renewal in the Christian faith, in pagan faiths, and in nature. Not to be outdone, I'm going through a renewal as well: last month, my position has been abolished, and now I am "vulnerable" (newspeak for being in line to be chopped from the payroll), so I've decided to take this as a growth opportunity.

This all sounds so much like bull. I'm quite anxious (who wouldn't?), but I'm trying to make the best of it and to keep positive.

I've thought a lot about the possibility of staying within my organization. No doubt, opportunities will come up, but would I really want to stay? I gauge that whatever cred I had built up has tanked, my work experience is too broad for what this organization now needs, and it would be better for me to start afresh.

So, where do I begin?

Well, I'm taking inventory of who I *really* am, what I *really* like, and where do I *really* want to go. This might sound so elementary as to be downright stupid, but it's the truth. I've spent so much time and emotional energy tied up in who I *think* I am and how much my identity has been tied to a job that I've had a really hard time of letting go. I've had to ask myself some really basic questions and quite frankly I haven't come up with a lot of answers.

Luckily, I'd kept the name of a consultant our organization had retained during a phase of team building. I sent her an email asking her for career transition help, and she sent me a copy of a newsletter put out by Lynne Robinson (www.lynnrobinson.com), which pretty much summed up my feelings. I was struck by the following quote:

"Between letting go (of the old) and successfully launching the new there is a time of confusion and emptiness. People often feel lost during this time, and too often they interpret that lostness as yet another sign that something is wrong. It is simply a sign that they have entered the fertile chaos of the neutral zone" -- William Bridges

I know I'm right into the "fertile chaos" zone. I can't wait to get out! ;-)

In the beginning...

Well, there had to be a beginning, right? So here I am, blogging.

This is really a test. Let's see where this goes.