Another update....

I haven't written anything over the past few days since things have been quite busy.

This past Saturday, I took art in the Ottawa Regional Science Fair (www.orsf.ca) as a judge. I really enjoyed the experience of seeing kids who were enthusiastic about science and math, and who clearly knew their stuff. We're not talking about sodium-bicarb volcanoes here: we're talking "discovery" and "innovation" the way it's described at NSERC. I was really impressed by 3 projects, all done by girls (in fact, I estimate that about 70% of the projects were by girls, and none of the projects I judged (a dozen) were done by boys. Sign of a trend?

I got into a heated discussion with one of the university profs over one of the projects. She argued that the project didn't have the correct experimental protocol; I argued that for these kids, it was about an innovative spirit. I wound up conceding, since the experimental protocol was weak, but I felt like I hadn’t stood my ground. I can understand now how difficult funding decisions are made, and I really felt like I wanted to learn how these questions get resolved in funding committee meetings.

I’m less inclined now to try and leave my existing workplace because I realize that I’m missing the “depth” of the work that our funding agency is engaged in. I had a meeting with my boss, and she indicated (based on feedback from my previous work in Communications) that I lacked focus and I was too easily distracted by “crises”, and that I’d be better off working in a more structured environment.

I hate to agree with her, but she is right. I’ve come to realize that, at least for the present, I don’t have what it takes to supervise a number of people, make hard HR decisions, work out a large plan or implement a substantial project. I realize that, in my Communications job, I’d over-reached the limit of what I could do well and crossed the line from competence to incompetence. I might sound harsh, but I think I’m realistic. And now I struggle with the question: Do I accept my limitations, do I accept who I think I am, or do I try to stretch my abilities to try to become someone I’m not?

Talk about existential questions… stay tuned!