A lot has happened over the last few days, to make me reconsider where I am in my life and what I want to do with it...
Cheryl went away this weekend to visit a close friend who is in hospital, and who has come very close to dying. He's still not out of the woods, but we are cautiously optimistic.
Mark is a person who has struggled against Crohn's disease for almost 50 years - and has had first-hand experience of our health-care system which will term as SHAMEFUL.
I can't help but feel that it would be a great injustice if he died. He's not the kind of person you'd think as being courageous, and I'm sure he would laugh if I would suggest it; but I can't help but feel a great deal of respect for what he has accomplished with his life in spite of his condition. Through several times where our families vacationed together, he somehow put me back in tune with love I had of nature, and for some reason years ago Ihad let go...and for that reconnection I am thankful to him.
Mark's sudden illness, coupled with the "traffic accident" that I witnessed a close friend have at her workplace, and which I related in this blog earlier, got me to thinking.
Not the kind of rational, down-on-paper kind of thinking, but rather a sub-verbal dialogue.
Here, these two individuals, facing very different circumstances, struggle to live their lives according to their convictions. I find this admirable - and I now realize that I have not had the courage to live the same way. Not to live according to my own convictions, but to have allowed myself to be led by illusions, either my own or someone else's.
So it was in this frame of mind that I stumbled across an old song by Men Without Hats on YouTube, entitled "I Sing Last." Somehow, when I listened to these lyrics, it described pretty much where I feel I am:
We've been told lies. We've been herded around
Taken for rides, told that this is the one
We've learned all the steps and where do they lead
Right back to zero or not far I believe
Making history as we open our eyes
And no one's quite sure so we... We improvise
And wherever it leads us is wherever we'll go
I'd dance forever if they'd let me, you know
Wearing our hair up in anger we cry
The revolution's dead, it went out in style
The children are learning much faster than we
Soon they'll be older, but then again, so will we
Time has come for each of us to decide
To follow blindly or to step out of line
The party is over it has been for years
Let's use the water to wash up, not for tears
Seems such a pity
It seemed we had the same dream
And thinking of things past
You sang first I sang last
You sang first I sang last
You sang first I sang last
...and time has come for me to decide.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
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1 comment:
Skep, I've said it before, and I'll say it again: you're too hard on yourself. Some of the arguments you've used on me in the last little while? you can put those to use as well. you do live by your convictions, trust me. you're living your life under the conviction that it's the right thing to do, not being self-centred. I respect that a great deal. You've chosen to move forward right now, not dwell in the past, not be caught up in a situation which you might regret later or which goes against your morals. Life's not perfect, no one is, but we try our best and come out better people in the end. I know you, I understand you, trust me. That said, I'm stil here, always will be. I don't spineless, unconfident people. :)
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